drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
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A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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