she's into porn, im staying here tonight
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
