Her vagina should come with caution tape.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
