I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
