If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
