we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize