I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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