I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
