Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
pop tarts are not kleenex
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
