he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Small penises have feelings too.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
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You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize