you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
