Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
