Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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