I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
