I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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