Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
