it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
