I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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