my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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