I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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