I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
