Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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