cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding