she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
After tacos, we're chasing women.