Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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