yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.