I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.