I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
