Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
