Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
