what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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