You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
