i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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