Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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