Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
