The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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