"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
