Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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