So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
