ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
