what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
