ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
