One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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