You were right. It hurts to walk today.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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