garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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