that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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