Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
