The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
