i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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