Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
