last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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