They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
