And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
