You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
