so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Green mimosas i think yes
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
