I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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