dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
