apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
