Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
