dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
