We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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