sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
