Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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