i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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