I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
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I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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