I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
