In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just want nice things and good sex
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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