barbara walters just said penis...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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