Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
