Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
