I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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