planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
