I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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