He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
