Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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