What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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